What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

X’s response:

I thought about that once. The irony of it all. The question. Kids want to grow up and be adults. They are the reflection of the parents, mimicing everything the guardian involved does.

I find myself going back to the age closest to match the age of the child I am entertaining at that moment. I can’t do it all the time with other thoughts and ideas interfering, such as mortgages and income, relationships and other issues that do not matter to a child. But when I do clear my mind, the closest age memory I can tap into is around five years old. I cannot remember anything prior to that, so I cannot recall how I felt, acted or reacted to any before that age. Maybe it is for a reason that I have never tapped into those memories. They could be too dark for me to see.

Around the age five I can reach that young me, and how I enjoyed playing with my sister in many instances. I am the older brother so I can remember at least seeing a baby grow up in front of me, younger than I.

Move the timeline to the right. Get it, since x goes side to side? No? It’s not funny Y? Okay then.

So back to the timeline going round and round. I travel to the age fourteen quite a bit. The year I was given a ticket with a two hundred dollar fine for fighting in school. This was the first time going to see a judge in real life and all the negative energy filled with dark memories, angry thoughts, agression, frustration and confusion. As if everything bad built up to that particular year setting me off in a rough road ahead of me.

That kid at heart, that kid growing up had so many issues with parents and authorities. That kid had so much talent and always wanted to tell stories of things that seemed crazy in forms of rap songs and artwork. That kid felt he was always in trouble, always told he was wrong by his elders. Since the age, that kid started drawing. That kid had many things right, even though he felt they all told him he was wrong. As a kid.

So when I enter into that childlike state of mind, I think of some of those awkward moments I had, and try to tell that child listening that it is okay. I felt embarrassed once because I did this. I felt bad that time because I did something that got me yelled at or spanked. Or if I see something that was done wrong and I’m about to react like yell at my daughter, I stop to reflect on the fact that at that age I did not know what I think I knew then just because I know it now.

The only way I was able to learn is by making that mistake and feeling shocked internally causing disruption that would affect my way of being in the future. This kid is about to experience a similar situation as I did, so I have the choice to act like the child should know better or remember that there was a time that I did not know the consequence of that moment in time.

I am not saying I would tell that child to be young and free, run a muck and paint the whole town red. I am always trying to find a way to tie in a lesson with an experience when I am sharing.

“You talk a lot” replies Y.

X looks at Y and asks, “do you have something you want to say?”

“I like your story X. Keep going” continues Y